I called Rhiannon, a touch of panic in my tone of voice.
I have screwed up. She made me a power smoothie before she left for shopping, and I drank it too fast.
“I didn’t even drink the whole thing, only half!” I explained.
Now, the icy drink sits in my stomach, and its chill spreads throughout my body. I have gone from warm to cold to shivering to teeth chattering to shaking all over.
It is 70 degrees outside. Two hours ago I was sitting out in the warm sun, lightly dressed. Now, I have my winter coat and fuzzy boots on, and I have hypothermia.
Most people don’t know that many of us with ME/CFS suffer from some form of dysautonomias. These are malfunctions of our autonomic nervous system – things that our bodies should handle automatically. These can affect many parts of our body. For some it affects how our body regulates – or fails to regulate – our body temperature.
Some of us also have muscle wasting or atrophy.
I have lost too much weight; most of my muscle mass, and I am struggling not to lose any more. At a hundred ten pounds, I cannot afford to.
And I cannot afford to be in hypothermia.
The shivering and shaking of my muscles is using up the valuable nutrients and energy of the high protein, RX, smoothie I just took in. I need every calorie I can consume, and every ounce of energy that I can hold on to.
Besides which, hypothermia is not a good condition for my struggling body, nor very pleasant.
I tell Rhiannon I have to get in the shower. This is beyond what a heating pad will fix.
I don’t like to shower when no one else is home. My blood pressure tanks regularly (and by “tanks” I mean 82/47, for instance). It would not do to pass out in the tub. But it’s the only thing I know to do.
Dysautonomia can also affect our blood pressure and even the amount of blood in our body – our blood volume – making both too low. This results in conditions such as Neurally Mediated Hypotension (NMH), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) or OI (Orthostatic Intolerance).
During a NMH episode, the blood pressure can drop very low, often very fast, and fainting can occur. Usually, at the same time, the pulse rate goes up, putting the heart into tachycardia. There are a several different medications for NMH, POTS, and other blood pressure related dysautonomias, but they can come with some very nasty side effects.
Climbing in, I seal the shower curtain, anxious to keep every bit of warmth inside. I sit on my shower stool. I hate it, but it is necessary. I’m too weak and in too much pain to take a shower standing up.
Many of us go days or sometimes even weeks without a shower. Taking a shower or bath uses up an incredible amount of energy. Some of us cannot bathe ourselves at all anymore.
My skin is cold to the touch, cold and clammy like that of a corpse. I huddle over my legs as the hot, hot, water runs over my body.
It seems to take forever before I stop shaking enough that I can slowly wash my hair. It was certainly in need of a wash.
After 37 minutes, the hot water is running out. I’m still not sure I’m warmed up enough. I have no choice but to get out.
The skin on my thighs, on my butt, and arms, is still cool to the touch, but not as cold as it was.
One aspect of having NMH is having very poor circulation to the limbs and skin.
Emerging from the shower, I wrap tightly in a thick towel. I sit on the stool, with my head in my hands for 10 long minutes. The blood pounds in my head, and I am breathing hard.
I am dizzy and exhausted, drained and in pain. but I think I am starting to be warm again.
Too tired to move, I reach for my fone, and dictate this post, still wrapped in my towel, still sitting on the shower stool, head resting wearily on folded arms.
Now the question is, am I too warm? I listen intently to the signals coming from my body.
It has forgotten how to regulate itself. Up and down it goes: fevers, chills, sweats, night sweats that go on all night long…
Like so many, I can’t go out on summer days when it’s over 80 because I overheat and get a fever far too fast. Getting in a car that has sat in the Sun can cause an instant fever – and an instant crash.
In winter I must bundle up extra warm against the cold.
And it seems that even when it’s 70, I must drink my protein smoothie either slowly, or on the heating pad. I felt hot when I started drinking it today.
Sure didn’t take much to change that.
These are the things that daily life with ME/CFS is made of…
7 thoughts on “2 Hours With ME, and Dysautonomia: May 12th, International ME/CFS Awareness Day”
praying for you god Bless
Thank you, Ben! I appreciate it!
cant get on Facebook it dumped me i have to wait until the am to try to get back on
I “like” how you expressed it, I felt your heat, you cold, your body shaking but I hate that both you and Rhia have to go through this so often. sending healing thoughts and love, Laurie
Thanks, Laurie! Certainly not my best writing, or, speech-to-text that got a quick edit, but a valuable lesson learned (be more careful) and a chance to spread information on a part of this illness that many have, but few discuss. As Jocelyn at No Poster Girl said, it is for symptoms like this that chronic fatigue syndrome is SUCH a misnomer! It is far more than just being tired all the time!
Sending healing thoughts & love right back!
I hope you feel better as I write. You know, I didn’t know for several years what was going on in the shower until you explained to me these things. I definitely need a shower stool!
I wish I wasn’t so far away, although, back in the day, I would have packed my bag and been at your house in no time at all.
Since I can’t come see you, or help you, please know you are in my heart and thoughts.
Thank you for taking the time, and managing enough energy to write this post! You are simply amazing!!!
I’ve been working on a post all about these things. We are all so similar, it sill amazes me…