We’re approaching a landmark in time… one I don’t want.
The one year anniversary of Shunka’s death.
If today was all PMS anger & frustration, yesterday was all PMS tears.
I had a dream.
Shunka was lying here beside me on the bed, and in the dream, I rolled over & put my arm around him, feeling his silky fur, the soft fuzz around his ears.
And then I woke up, and sleepily put my arm out to him… and touched air.
Instantly awake, it was as clear as it was a year ago, the pain of knowing he wasn’t here anymore. There were no soft ears to rub, no silky fur to stroke, no big black protector dog laying beside me.
For a frighteningly long time I fought back screams.
How could this be real? How could my constant companion be just… gone?
And did I do the right thing? Was it right to have him put to sleep? Should I have given him more time?
My book on dealing with pet loss says those are answers every owner who has to make the decision will forever ask themselves.
And it says the guilt will never go away.
Never is a long time.